Ready for a Laugh? COVID-19 Humor

  • Social distancing is going well. Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems nice. He's a web designer.

  • Home school went well today. Two students suspended, and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

  • Home schooling question: Does having your kids fix your mixed drinks count as chemistry?

  • Did you hear the joke about coronavirus? Never mind...I don't want to spread it around.

  • You know what they say - feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a Corona.

  • There're so many coronavirus jokes out there, it's a pundemic.

  • Got a letter that says I'm an essential employee, got a paycheck that says I'm not.

  • Remember - while you struggle with staying at home, some people just wish they had one.

  • Social distancing is boring - exiled for the good of the realm sounds so much better.

  • Coronavirus has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We're told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.

  • No sports, but if you dump a bag of Skittles into the toilet, squint your eyes and flush, it's almost like watching a NASCAR race.

  • Seen on church message board: Had not planned on giving up quite this much for Lent.

  • They said wearing a mask and gloves were enough to get into the grocery store. They lied - everyone else was wearing clothes.

  • Seen on dating app: Single man w/TP seeks single woman w/hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

  • How long is this social distancing supposed to last? My husband keeps trying to get into the house.

  • A doctor, a nurse, and an epidemiologist all walk into a bar. And they all say "GET OUT, GO HOME!"

  • Texas Coronavirus Humor: Wash your hands like you just got done slicing a jalapenos for a batch of natchos and you need to take your contacts out.

  • All of a sudden having a mask, a pair of rubber gloves, plastic sheeting and duct tape in your trunk is OK.

  • Did you hear the one about the employer who at some date in the future looked at a job applicant’s resume and said, “There’s a gap in your CV. What were you doing in 2020?” “I was washing my hands,” the job applicant replied.

  • Q: Why doesn’t anyone in Antarctica have COVID19? A: Because they’re ice-o-lated.”

Submitted by Sharon Wittke

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