More COVID-19 Humor

  • Everything for summer is cancelled. We may as well put up a Christmas tree and call it a year.

  • It was a quiet day in 2053. When Lisa awoke, she went to the bathroom. To Lisa, this wasn't just any ordinary day. This was the day she would open the last package of toilet paper her parents bought in the year 2020.

  • Because of COVID-19, for the first time since 1945, the National Spelling Bee is cancil... cansul... cansel... called off!

  • I made some quarantine coffee today. It's just like normal coffee, but it has a margarita in it, and also no coffee.The NFL is debating on a season without fans in the stadium. They've reached out to the Chargers for advice on this.

  • I need to get out of this bed. I'm late for the couch.

  • Anyone else's car getting three weeks to the gallon at the moment?

  • I heard my dog say to the dog next door, "What is happening? All the humans are wearing muzzles."

  • I am so over being a part of a major national event right about now.

  • Coming soon to a theater near you. 2020: Written by Stephen King and directed by Quentin Tarantino

  • My husband and I decided we don't want any children. We will be telling them tonight at dinner.

  • Seven weeks of homeschooling my 7, 9, and 12 year olds went surprisingly well. They have all graduated high school and are ready to move out and get jobs when the quarantine is over.

  • Gotta say that the Class of 2020 outdid themselves with Senior Skip Day this year.

  • From the book, Oh, The Places You'll Stay, by Dr. Fauci:

"You'll stay on your couch, You'll stay in your room,

You'll stay on a chair for a meeting on Zoom.

You'll stay in the bathroom for a brief getaway,

There are so many places at home you will stay!"

  • You think it's bad now? In 20 years the country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers.

  • I just asked the Walmart worker where the nuts were. She said they were all in the toilet paper aisle.

  • Remember when we were little and we had underwear with the days of the week on them? Yah. Those would be helpful right now.

  • I'm starting to miss people I don't even like.

  • As summer arrives, do we dig out our shorts, or do we cut the legs off our pajamas?

  • The world is now Las Vegas. Everybody's losing money, it's acceptable to drink at all hours, and no one has any idea what day it is.

And for some perspective,

Some people are mad because they can't have a party. Meanwhile, some families are hurt because they can't have a funeral.

Submitted by Sharon Wittke

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